Kentucky Squirrels Are Pompous

I have a battle going in my yard and now I know why. I do not know what ecology anomaly started this genetic mutation but it has gone on long enough. Besides who died and left the squirrels in charge?

Yes squirrels, did you know they are territorial creatures? That no matter what you do they will return and return with more knowledge than when they were evicted. It was not until my sister had a run-in with the furry creatures that I started to realize how pompous they really are.

My sister’s experience went like this; squirrels came through the attic, stole Halloween candy, hid it in indoor flowerpots and were promptly evicted via “Live Trap.” Long story short, attic entrance closed by metal, squirrels return, eat through metal and are now searching the house for candy. Pompous little things, they don’t even pay rent.

My squirrels are not so brazen. They still live in the trees in my yard but now are neighborhood bullies. I thought at first it was just my furry friends protecting their property from what they felt sure was an intruder. No, it is the pompous squirrels.

They are so pompous they will sit on my bird feeders and not allow one bird to feed. They won’t eat the bird food they just hold the feeder hostage. They sit there like little furry terrorists.

Pompous because they think my flowerbeds are security deposit boxes. That I am the one to receive the penalties for early withdraw. When I get close to their deposit they conveniently drop nuts on me. As if being terrorists wasn’t enough they now are trying their hand at bombing missions.

I tell you they are pompous. They will sit on my deck, stare in the window and not move an inch. When I go out to shoo them off, I swear they stuck their tongues out at me and shout, “We’ll be back.”

To this I respond, “You pompous, furry, little critter, you just keep coming back.” What they don’t know yet, three hawks have taken up residence in the back yard and the opossum under my shed just gave birth to a litter.

This summer is going to be like “Mutual of Omaha's Wild Kingdom.

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