Supernatural Portal: I Think Not

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Okay now I’m starting to wonder what really is going on in my house? Though I have yet to blog about the ghost I fear I have and how it appears to be a kleptomaniac, I have reported on alien spies disguised as dust bunnies. What now has me truly concerned is that I learned last Friday from my mother what I thought were alien spies are really spirits coming and going.

I hope you can now see my fear, I have a kleptomaniac ghost, aliens trashing my house and now I have to deal with spirits rolling in and out. I really do not have time for all of this; I’m trying to find a job.

My ghost friend, at least I hope it is a friend; I have now become accustom to. It appears to be a chef of some sort since all it seems to bother are my kitchen utensils. To date the ghost has lifted a pan, a slaw grater, a can of crabmeat, bag of frozen peas and caused me to spill coffee all over the counter. I have come to realize it is a prank playing, klepto ghost and more a nuisance than a threat. I can deal with that.

However, if dust bunnies are not really alien spies and are in fact spirits coming and going, then I fear my home has become some weird portal to all that is unexplained. Why me? Is it because I have allowed that klepto ghost to hang out or was it the one-week pass I gave to the aliens? Something allowed these spirits to think my home is a Super8 along the supernatural highway. Well, it’s not and I’m fighting back.

I have outlawed my ghost friend from the kitchen by hanging garlic and a cross on the doors, I’m also considering burning sage but as a last resort I hate the smell.  I have also informed my ghost friend he must wear an aluminum foil hat, just in case it does have an affect on those aliens.

As to the aliens, well I’m heading out right now to take care of that. I’m going to rearrange my solar yard lights into an arrow pointing at the nasty neighbors house, let him have them. As insurance, I’m sending out a radio signal telling all aliens he is offering free drinks to the first 30,000 ships to land. You know aliens love happy hour.

Finally, those spirits that are coming and going, for this I will call on my ghost friend. I will instruct him to pass the word that my house is not a Super8; it is more a rest area. Spirits will be allowed to stop, stretch their legs, to walk their supernatural pets and then move on. Do not loiter, pick up after your pets and do not plan to sleep in your supernatural, pimped out ride. Should these rules be disregarded, the supernatural highway patrol will be contacted.

Does anyone out there have the number? Just in case.

Going UP