Sunday, April 11, 2010
Usually when I select a topic to blog about it is an event or random comment that strikes a nerve or an emotion from within. Today however as I scanned the web a disturbing pattern started to emerge, there were way too many nerves being hit upon. For this reason I have chosen to provide you with my synopsis of what struck my nerves this morning.
Let us start with the passing of Dixie Carter, the woman who made it fashionable to be a southern woman. She showed the world that southern woman could have a hissy fit, politely put you in your place, point out exactly why you were wrong, and all the while look oh so elegant doing it. She allowed us to see humor in the southern ways while her sister Susanne showed us pigs could be pets. In honor of Julia Sugarbaker I will find a plumber with the stereotypical low riding pair of pants, rear crack fully exposed and decorate it with a bouquet of daisies.
Next Tiger Woods, oh please, win the Masters. We want to get on with our lives. If I have to listen to one analogy of why I should or should not believe anything you say I think I will take up golf and use the driver on my television set. Besides, Golf and sex have nothing in common except the single nine-iron club your wife used on your car.
Then there are the headlines that made me go, hum? Like Chili giving us their weapons grade uranium, won’t we need to give it back due to the new nuclear treaty? The headline read “Popes ivory tower adds to his detachment,” isn’t that the point of a tower? The most perplexing was the blind man who took a Ferrari for a test drive. I’m not even going to comment on that one.
I guess I’ll close with what I felt the most amusing, Elizabeth Taylor getting engaged. Heaven help us, all I could think of when I heard about this was Bette Midler doing Sophie Tucker jokes. On her “Live” album she does a Tucker joke where she is explaining to her boyfriend Ernie why her getting married to a younger man made more sense than that of Ernie marrying a younger woman. I will leave up to you to find a copy of the album to get the mathematical reasoning behind the explanation, but I will say it is sound mathematics.
I hope you have found something here that you too found amusing in this condensed jolt of reality, we really need to start with a smile. By the way, my poor 90-year-old grandmother swears she put her purse in the closet and since according to her everyone including God has a key to her apartment, it must have been stolen. Should you or should you know of who stole her purse, please fell free to keep the Kleenex, lip balm, hair curlers, and the 50 free ball point pens she has collected, just return the purse.