Late Night TV, Real Late Night

Friday, April 23, 2010

TGIF or so it seems. I spent last night trying to overcome anxiety attacks and watching the most absurd infomercials. Have you ever paid attention to those things? Last night I got overdosed on them and came to realize very soon, that we Americans will buy anything if presented right.

Apparently we do not have a real estate crisis and you too can make millions buying and selling property. If you merely make three equal payments of $33.33, why didn’t they just say $100.00 even? In 4 to 6 weeks you will receive a study book and video explaining how to earn all this money, of which I preceded to have a nightmare. I dreamt I sent away for my new career venture only to receive a video of Porky Pig saying, “Thaaaat’s all folks!” I awoke with the urge to have bacon.

This was followed by what is Americans true weak point, our pets. The infomercial that made me stop and think was offering ultrasonic, humane training for your problem pet. It showed a pet wearing a receiver collar, a human pointing a small blue box at the collar and then the pet magically behaving. Problem was the infomercial led you to believe you could take this device hiking and it would magically keep you safe from even bears. Now, I know I was only half awake but exactly how am to get that receiver collar on a bear? If I could get a collar on a bear then I’d say I do not need any training devices.

I can remember I once too, I was fooled by such an ad. I was looking for a humane training device and found one that stated it worked on sound. Thank heavens I bought it on sale. What I got was a small black box that was to send out an unpleasant sound and my furry friends would behave. What actually happened was a look from all three furry friends that said, “that was a waste of money, stop it or we will chew it up when you leave.”

At some point during the night I realized infomercials are ran as public service announcements. They allow you to ensure your remote is operating properly and are broadcast at a higher volume to further ensure you can find it. They are there to warn us that leprechauns and unicorns do exist and yes we should fear the gullible. They are being armed with the shake weight.

Going UP