Earth Day: Oh, I’m Exempt

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Did you know Earth day is Thursday? Did you know you too, can be exempt from participating? Well, you can because I just found out I became exempt the day I became unemployed. If you visit the international web site on celebrating Earth day you will find a checklist of behaviors you should pledge to change. This is where I found I would be exempted from participating.

The first suggestion to pledge was “be more aware of what you buy.” This one was easy, no job, no money, no purchase. However, I have made a habit of wearing shoes and a shirt just in case. Though I do think they meant buy more local and that is really hard when all of Wal-Mart is now produced in China.

The next few items deal with utility consumption. I have already replaced my old light bulbs with that ugly coil looking type bulb that lampshades do not fit. I know they have new regular looking bulbs but I keep waiting for these ugly ones to burn out, I even dropped one, still working. I guess who ever inherits these lamps can put the shades back on.

I do not have a job so showers are not required. Besides I use this as revenge on my neighbor, the wind is always blowing towards his house, there take that. No, it is not your mulch, nah nah. Since I just learned how to operate the washing machine, it still scares me and I put off running it as long as I can. Who needs underwear anyway?

I never really acquired the taste for jet fuel so taking a travel mug to Starbucks is not required. I do use my own shopping bags but this was a personal decision. I was tired of making it all the way home, only to spend the next half hour cleaning up condiments from the garage floor and chasing run away cans from under the other vehicle parked beside mine. Besides I swear if you put one bag next to another bag, they make smaller bags.

It is recommended you use more earth friendly cleaning products, no way. While doing research for my earlier alien post ( I learned this is like alcohol to aliens and the last thing I need is a dirty house full of drunken aliens. I’m taking Christie Ally’s advice and using vodka to clean, I’d rather be the one drunk and cleaning.

As you can see I have done my part for Mother Earth and therefore am exempt from participating. Why, I even have a worm composite bin, but I fear I’ll have to find a worm laxative. Those poor worms have not pooped in a year, so much for composite. I think that was a miss print and should have read, “Worms combust.”

Going UP