Invisible Clothing: Hazardous to Your Health

Thursday, April 29, 2010

Do you have an invisible shirt? No, not a shirt that is invisible but one that when you put it on it makes you invisible. I did not know such clothing articles existed but apparently I have several pieces of such attire. How do you tell if you own such articles of clothing? What should you do if you find them in your closet?

How you tell if you own such clothing articles can be tricky but they can be identified. The only tool required will be a way to document the time, place and reason for the offending articles you are wearing. A permanent marker can also be useful for label marking but is not required. Let’s look at the ways to identify these articles of clothing.
Let’s say you go to a crowded event at the local park. While viewing the varied booths you find people keep stepping on the back of your shoes. They never say, “Excuse me,” and require you to walk faster than possible. Well then, you have on invisible shoes. Make a not of these.

While shopping at the local drug store store you find that every time you get near an item you wish to merely examine another shopper appears. Should just as you reach for the item, you receive a hip butt from the approaching shopper; you have on invisible pants. Take note of this.

You are at the grocery store shopping for fresh produce not really sure what was on your list, suddenly you remember apples. Just as you go to pick up an apple someone shoves you from behind, reaches over your shoulder and grabs some apples for them selves. You have worn an invisible shirt; again make a note of this.

I really hate to point this one out but I know I must. You are at a public event where walking a designated route is required. What you find is that no matter which side of the route you are on people keep trying to knock you down. You have somehow done the most unthinkable of things, you have put together all of the above articles of clothing into one outfit. You are now wearing a complete invisible outfit no one can see you.

I have spent several years identifying my invisible articles of clothing and even I sometimes slip up and wear a piece. I hate it when I do this, too. I have found there are ways to handle such a mistake in apparel selection.

If you are wearing invisible shoes, limp. People will see the lame. If you are wearing invisible pants, every two steps lift your leg and shake it. People steer clear of the strange. Should you be wearing an invisible shirt take this action; bend your elbows, make chicken wings and flap. People will take pity but they won’t come near you at all.

Now, should you make the mistake of wearing an invisible outfit you will have to perform all of the above counter measures; limp, lift and shake your leg, make chicken wings and flap, along with adding any strange sound you wish to make. Yes, people will run but you will make it home to change your outfit.

Once you have identified these articles and have properly labeled them; segregate them from the rest of your clothing. You can now eliminate the fear of being invisible in the future. But take care when purchasing new clothing. If no one is trying to snatch the piece of clothing from your hand put it back, it is invisible.

Going UP