Road Rage: I Say Highway Commando Training

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Does anyone remember “Road Rage?” Well, yesterday I took a small road trip that on my way home got me to remembering this lost topic. It always amazes me that people think a steering wheel, four pieces of rubber and a ton of fiberglass gives them the right to become highway commandos.

I know you have experienced or even witnessed, maybe you even are one of these highway commandos, the ones the police never seem to see and you know have never read the driving manual. The drivers that perform such maneuvers that make the rest of us suddenly suck our bucket seat up into our rear end and in the same reaction completely deplete the oxygen from the car interior in one giant suck effect. Monday, I soon learned, must be highway commando training day.

The trip going to my destination was truly enjoyable and very uneventful; however, the returning trip was less than desirable. I realize I was heading home an hour past rush hour and folks could have been just getting off but please.

My first encounter was an elderly couple that was honestly petrified of being on the interstate. So much so, they slowed down traffic and turned it into a residential lane. This I knew was a bad thing because I could see the frustration building in my rear view mirror and I was right. The moment we got to double lanes it was like the Indy flag dropping, semis, sports cars, even mini-vans sped off jockeying for the optimal speed position.

I on the other hand I just laid back, ha-ha, I remembered in about 2 miles we would encounter construction and be given the caution flag. What I did not know was this would only exasperate the demeanor of these highway commandos. Construction is like retreat orders to a command.

As we meandered through construction most of us passed the time chatting to passengers or just singing to the radio but we were not allow. Suddenly in the rear view mirror I saw a commando had broke lose. This was a brave commando; he blew by us doing about 50 miles per hour, on the shoulder!

As I watched him pass I wondered what his true mission was; apparently it was to totally freak out the elderly couple still in front of me. This is exactly where he cut back into traffic and I can almost promise that elderly couple will be parking that big Buick and leaving it in their will to some heir.

Just as this event passed we came out of construction and the checkered flag flew again. By now the elderly couple had had enough and exited the interstate, I had settled into the realization it was going to be a steady, obey the speed limit, trip home. That was my mistake, once again, in my rear view mirror came another commando. This one was on a death mission.

Since the slow lane was just that, we were traveling in the passing lane when the commando struck. As I watched the white Audi go by me doing every bit of 90 I remember thinking; ”where is he going?” Just then I found out. The commando seeing the slow moving dump truck slid right in the small space between two semi trucks. The rear semi I knew was pissed, he blew his horn and I could see in his mirror some rather rude hand gestures but I never saw his brake lights come on. I just knew Audi would soon being coming out with the accordion model of their sports car.

I had seen enough and needed a caffeine fix. I stopped for a quick cup of coffee and once again entered the commando training ground. To my relief the training must have only been for an hour, the rest of my trip home was travel as usual. Except for those few multi-tasking drivers that we all encounter daily. That is another subject though.

So tell me; have you seen any commando training on your instate? Is there a driving peeve you would like to get off your chest? Drop me a comment and let me help you lighten the load.

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