Trying to Get Over the Rainbow: March 2010

Easter Bunny: Just One of Many Talents

Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Today I made my usual, routine trip to the unemployment office and while there I found myself daydreaming. Daydreaming to the point I almost missed them calling my name. I had been daydreaming of jobs long since gone, jobs I really enjoyed while they lasted. Jobs I held before I grew up and life got so complicated, jobs that when I did hear my name had left a smile on my face. If you would be so kind I would like to take you on my trip down memory lane.

The first job I ever had was at a local pizza parlor helping to prepare pizzas. This was where I learned the valuable lesson of nothing is really ever free. Here I witnessed two mooching kids get offered the free pizza they so often asked for only if they could chew and not swallow an anchovy until told to swallow. Neither could and neither got their free pizza. But at least they made it outside before they lost their cookies.

Hutaree: Lord I’m Not Ready

Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Fanatic social groups have been around for as long as this country has been here but this new one takes the cake. Calling them selves “Hutaree” or god warriors they believe the end of the world is here and that there is a real need to prepare. Doesn’t that seem like an oxymoron to you or is it just I?

If it were the end of the world do we really need to prepare and didn’t we wait a little to long? I guess what I really should be asking is, are we going to truly need AK-47’s in the afterlife? If so I’ve been left behind, I merely own a pump shotgun and I now fear I’ll be out gunned when I get there. Not to mention I have no concept of how to make a homemade bomb; nor would I want to learn. I’m way to accident prone to be playing with the mixing of toxic chemicals. I do however, know how to make a homemade blowtorch. Again, it was an accident I had while visiting a friend. Never smoke around aerosol hair spray can, that’s all I’m saying.

Tea Party Movement: Left or Right?

Monday, March 29, 2010

Tea Parties are they truly looking out for our best interests? What really is the mission of this movement? The platform as I understand it has been to take back our government and return America to the people, to stop government spending and allow our children to have a debt free America. They run on moral values and ethical government, come on, really?

I find it hard to believe that moral, ethical and government can even be used in the same sentence. I look at the two republicans we have elected in our state and see two gentlemen that have done nothing that would allow those words to be tied to their names. Both have benefited vastly from their terms in office and neither have done anything to stimulate our states economy, education or transition into this new millennium. What I have seen is a lot of personal gain and profit with little attention being given to their constituents concerns. No ethics make for bad politicians.

Kentucky: Fact and Fiction

Sunday, March 28, 2010

In the last two days I have read numerous negative articles written about my home state of Kentucky. Today I wish to provide you with a list of facts and fictions about the bluegrass state and its inhabitants. This way when you read a slanted article about our state and its peoples you can have a true sense of fact and fiction.

Fiction: We do not marry our relatives. We reserved that right to the state of Tennessee many years ago. Neither are we bare foot and pregnant. The statistic is skewed due to number of illegal aliens in our state. Shirts and shoes have been required here for many years; however, pants have always been optional.

Breast Cancer and a Friend

Friday, March 26, 2010

Today will not be my usual posting of commentaries, random thoughts or me just blowing off steam. Today will be dedicated to a friend, a party pal, and vacation buddy who last night I found out was diagnosed with breast cancer. I do not want to get into the typically preaching of why we woman must take care of ourselves or the depressing views we can take when we receive news like this; I rather put out there all the positive memories I have made with this woman. I do this route for two reasons; one, I would rather the world know a smile is better than a frown and two, I want her to remain positive for the struggle ahead.

As I look back now on our numerous vacation trips to the Outer Banks I find myself reliving situations that I find most humorous. I recall it was our first vacation in the OBX when we stayed in the area of Avon. This part of the Outer Banks has very little of anything, you have one-way in by car and one way in by ferry. There is one grocery store, a hardware store, maybe six restaurants and hundreds of homes. One evening we decided to try our hand at a restaurant that was suppose to be the best of the six.

Death Threats on Congress: It’s Just a Playground

Thursday, March 25, 2010

In the midst of all else that is wrong with America right now it seems we have let the kindergarten kids run wild. We have all sorts of negative issues right now; unemployment, homelessness, depression and the elderly still being fleeced to the point they are forced to be Wal-Mart greeters. Now we have Americans threatening Senators and Congressmen. I feel like for the past couple of days I have been watching recess antics for a local kindergarten.

On one side of the playground you have the older kids (the Senators) arguing, name calling and who generally insight chaos among the playground participants. They gather in groups like picking sides for a kickball game; each wanting the strongest players on their side, even threatening to steal their lunch if they do not join their team.

Rejection: Watch me Smile!

Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Ah, rejection! Yesterday I received my first rejection regarding some written articles I submitted to an on-line publishing site; it sent me into a tailspin for the rest of the day. Though I do not like rejection I took a defense stance and plotted a recovery attack.

North Dakota and The Moon

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Okay, I just read two news articles that I must say sent cold chills up my spine. We all have heard about the flooding occurring on the Red River in North Dakota and we all have heard of the moon. But did you hear FEMA is heading to North Dakota? Even more strange have you heard a group of California Preservations want to preserve the moon?

The idea of FEMA heading to North Dakota sends cold chills up my spine just like a used car salesman does when I visit a car lot. I lost all respect for the agency right after Katrina hit and it has done little to regain that respect. My fear is the used car salesman mentality FEMA sometimes projects.

Black Hole Found in U.S.

Monday, March 22, 2010

Astronomers yesterday confirmed the report of a black hole located directly within the United States. At a press conference held in the middle of the night, Dr. B. Kidding stated the presence of such an astrological abnormality did exist.

It was stated at this press conference that the scientists had known about the abnormality for some time now. In the early 1970’s the observatory had started to notice large volumes of American wealth being drawn closer to the edge of the black hole; in the early 1990’s the observatory implemented around the clock observation, thus leading to the late night press conference.

When asked why the observatory felt the need now to disclose such an event, Dr. Kidding responded with the following statement:

“It has come to our attention that the black hole we have been closely monitoring for the past 3 centuries has reached a point of maximum suck effect. It has reached a point where in its present location it will suck the country right down with it. Though at this point in time I am not at liberty to disclose the exact location, it is apparent to us that this black hole has taken aim on life as we know it.”

”We have witnessed a huge increase in its appetite for our wealth, it seems to grow larger and stronger with every dollar it sucks in and it shows no sign of slowing. It appears to have a hypnotic effect on those who get to close to the edge and transfers a feeling of “larger than life” to those who reach its outer rim. It is this reason we feel it to be a danger to American life as we know it and have made public our findings.”

He went on to state that those of prominence stature seem to be immune to the effects of this abnormality and with that Dr. Kidding was bombarded with a flurry of questions, of which two he responded. The black hole was somewhere over the northeast and the last object observed being sucked into its depths was a Senator from Kentucky that would not shut up and sit down.

Technorati Tags: Black Hole,Commentary,Satire,Jules,Rainbow

Disclaimer: In NO way are the people and events in this satire real or true. This a personal, fictional, humorous story meant to bring a smile and nothing else.

Healthcare Reform: hum?

Sunday, March 21, 2010

Today is the day, it is a sink or shut up vote for the Senate regarding healthcare. I am sure however, the average American has no idea what this vote is truly about, those opposing it have even less of an idea and those actually voting just do not have a clue.

I personally am having a hard time with taking a stand for either side. I agree we do need some form of healthcare reform but I’m not sure the proposed bill touches on what is really wrong with the situation. The amount of Lobbying money that is being spent on either side of this issue, seems to me, would go along way to pay for a good chunk of healthcare.

Technology: You Had Your Laugh

Thursday, March 18, 2010

Who is it exactly that design the electrical connections to all our gadgets? I swear I think they have some warped sense of humor that requires them to sit in some dark cubicle somewhere thinking, “how many awkward positions will it require to get to this connected?”

I started the day with my PC having its monthly hissy fit and requiring me to give it some TLC before it would even look at me. I proceeded with the usual sweet talk and patting (kicking) its engine but that got me nowhere. Oh no; it wanted me to open its case, pull a card, stand on my head and all the while keeping my foot in the blue circle before it would boot up. Thankfully, I live with someone who’s nickname is Twister so I was not that out of practice. But that was just this beginning.

St. Patrick Day: Road Trip Memories

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

I will start by extending my lucky cyber four leaf clover to you through this post and hope all your green wishes come true today. In realizing that it is St. Patrick’s Day, it caused my mind to wonder and recall a road trip I once took with several co-workers to Chicago for the traditional dying of the river green. That trip provided me with some sound travel experience and I would like to pass along the valuable lessons I learned.

First: diversify your group. Traveling in a van with 4 gay men and a proper British woman can be quite entertaining. They had nothing at all in common but home decor and clothing; so needless to say listening to the conversations they had while I drove was both educational and comical. Shall I just say that the definition of Queen had two entirely different meanings?

Road Rage: I Say Highway Commando Training

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Does anyone remember “Road Rage?” Well, yesterday I took a small road trip that on my way home got me to remembering this lost topic. It always amazes me that people think a steering wheel, four pieces of rubber and a ton of fiberglass gives them the right to become highway commandos.

I know you have experienced or even witnessed, maybe you even are one of these highway commandos, the ones the police never seem to see and you know have never read the driving manual. The drivers that perform such maneuvers that make the rest of us suddenly suck our bucket seat up into our rear end and in the same reaction completely deplete the oxygen from the car interior in one giant suck effect. Monday, I soon learned, must be highway commando training day.

UK Wins SEC: My furry Friends Don’t Care

Sunday, March 14, 2010

Oh, March Madness! The whole thing just brings a smile to my face, especially since Kentucky is back in the respectable category. In the past two days I have jumped, clapped and shouted my furry friends right into hibernation for the month. I’m sure by now the neighbors are thinking someone is getting beaten and robbed in my house. Little do they realize the fun is just getting started.

Yesterday, Kentucky took on their rival opponent Tennessee and from the onset I was screaming at that inanimate object in the corner of my living room, the television. I do not know why I think screaming at it helps or if I really believe it my team will win because I scream, but I continue to scream. At half time I noticed the neighbor covertly walking his dog and peeking a glance at my house. This was when I realized I must have been heard from the street. Grumpy old man; should have been watching the game anyway.

Mississippi Prom Canceled

Saturday, March 13, 2010

Did you hear about the girl in Mississippi that wanted to wear a tuxedo and bring a girl to the prom, only to have the school cancel the prom? Well, in case you haven’t the premise was that since she wanted to bring a girl they would just cancel the entire school prom, now she is shouting foul. Needless to say I took an entirely different point of view on what truly was the real crime here.

I’m not going to discuss the whole girl date issue that is not what I have an issue with. Personally I did not care that she wanted to bring a girl, she could have brought her pet rock for all I care; I do take issue with her not being able to wear the tuxedo though. To me this was the real crime, though not headline stealing news. Come on, a tuxedo is formal wear, what was the problem?

Lunch With The Ladies

Thursday, March 11, 2010

Today I took a break from my daily drudge of domestic duties, writing, entertaining my furry friends and accepted an invitation to have lunch with Mother and Grandmother. Besides getting me out of the house, my mother was kind enough to pay for my lunch and though I did not realize it at the time I would later determine it had been very entertaining.

It amazes me that no matter how hard we try or how hard we fight the genetic makeup we each possess; we all become our parents. This is not, as I imagined earlier in life, a curse but rather a chance to look in mirror we seldom realize is there.

March Madness: What Happen To Sportsmanship?

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

As March madness begins to kick into full swing and the office pools start to form I sit here pondering the question of sportsmanship. Before we get into the frenzied muck of selecting teams and pounding our chests as to which conference is truly the best, let us examine the part of the game that is apparently slipping away, sportsmanship.

A little history first; I have actually played the game, I am no stranger to competition, I even coached junior pro for several years, so yes, I am a basketball fan that understands the game. I come from a state that has led the statistics in most basketball records including; the worst defeat (Duke versus Kentucky) and the one of the best come backs (LSU versus Kentucky). I grew up being taught basketball in the Rupp era and sportsmanship was part of the training. So where has it gone to?

Sportsmanship is excepting your opponent for just that, your opponent. I have always been coached that the stronger the opponent the stronger you, as a team, become. So the question here is why do fans feel the need to boo an opponent? Do they think it instills fear in the visiting team? I can tell you as an ex-player it does not, in fact it does just the opposite. I would suggest to you that it only pumps them up higher. A good coach already has his/her team ready for just such an act, so if you truly want to rattle a visiting team do the opposite. Next time try one of these; either sit there stone cold silent or applaud, the coach did not prepare the team for this I promise.

Pets Need To Party Also

Monday, March 8, 2010

As you can see in the right column of my home page, I have three furry friends that live with me. Due to an uncontrollable family situation at the present time it has been just them and me running the house and we have managed admirably. We putter through our daily activities, me tending to my daily chores and them faithfully following to see what new adventure we might be embarking upon. There never is one, but they keep hoping.

Yesterday was the exception to the rule. I do not know if it was my fault for not seeing the need for adventure or my furry friends just needing to express them selves. Either way, they took matters into their own paws.

Senators Delay and Bunning: Frick and Frack Ride Again

Sunday, March 7, 2010

I will start by simply apologizing up front for the politics or maybe I should be apologizing for the lack of politics, I’m really not sure which it is anymore. Either way you look at it what our government is doing and even more what we are saying about what our government is doing should be viewed as an embarrassment not a debate topic.

I just read an article (tom-delay-jim-bunning, Huffinton Post) of Senator Tom Delay stating that Jim Bunning should be applauded and that Americans on unemployment basically are just lazy. I’m not sure which part of this statement offends me more; the fact that one man from Kentucky who individually put 5 million Americans livelihood in jeopardy and someone called him brave for this action or the fact that a Senator can be so out of touch with his union that he thinks 5 million Americans are lazy and are being encouraged to not look for work.

Mother Nature: The Sun Is Shining

Saturday, March 6, 2010

Ah, the joy and agony of what spring has to bring for us. I do not know about you, but where I am for the first time in a month the sun is shining. It arose in an array of beautiful colors, the sky then became crystal clear blue and for once I did not need to wrap a blanket around me to get to my robe. Just looking out the window and seeing this sky gives my heart a ray of hope brighter days are coming.

It has been a long, hard winter for most of us Americans and warm, bright, sunny days are just what the doctor ordered. It brings out the hidden smiles we have been storing up all winter, makes us feel happy, and in general just changes our outlook on the day. Spring does have its challenges though and best we not forget; “in like a lamb, out like a lion.” Mother Nature tends to remind us in every season who really is the boss.

News Junkie’s: Change the channel

Friday, March 5, 2010

Today’s I have decided to discuss the news in general that we are all bombarded with on a daily basis. Who exactly determines what is news worthy and the length of coverage it should be awarded? Why is it we do not care enough to demand higher standards on what it is we are spoon fed? Exactly why is their cup always half empty? As a culture do we truly enjoy someone else’s pain that much?

Let’s look at these questions in reverse.Do we as a culture truly enjoy someone else’s pain that much? I’m afraid this may be the case. We as a culture expose our youngest members to some pretty graphic images and over a period of time those images start to lack effect, they become common place, the norm.

Beautiful Women: Skin Deep?

Thursday, March 4, 2010

Yesterday, while channel surfing I stopped for a moment on the Oprah show to see Jessica Simpson. Apparently John Meyer dated her at some point and has told all in Playboy, which I’m sure was the catch line for the male viewers, however this was not the shows topic. The shows topic was about female beauty and the lengths women go to in order to become what they perceive to be beautiful. This post will be dedicated to the women who are in search of such a thing.

First, women must realize that women have a different set of rules to play by than men and most of these rules we have imposed upon our selves. We are our worst enemies at times and rarely give kudos to those who step beyond the rules. But for the purpose of writing this we will not address these rules, only acknowledge they are there.

President Obama; Can you spare a moment?

Tuesday, March 2, 2010

Dear President Obama;

I’ll try not to take up to much of your time but I hear you are a politician who cares about the people. Someone who wants all Americans to have equal opportunities and equal benefits. Though I am only one American and I have had to over come many adversities in past year including becoming one of the many unemployed I do need a moment of your time.

I try not to be one who complains to much about how the government does its job but in the past several months I have become totally confused and disenchanted. I’m in need of some Presidential size answers, so if you would be so kind as to follow along I will explain.

Technology or Human Interaction; That Is The Question

Monday, March 1, 2010

Recently my friend and I were walking down the street on our way to a parking garage when we noticed 3 men walking straight for us. As we continued on it became apparent we would have to get off the sidewalk and out of the men's way, as they passed my friend commented, "get out of the way of the gentlemen." This is simple little courtesy that I know some would argue the women's movement has largely affected. Yet the trend I am noticing is a far more disturbing movement toward the simple minded individual.

All to often I am noticing that the acts of common decency are far and few between. We have begun to live our technological lives in a bubble and so often never lift up our heads from the text keypad to notice what is right in front of us. We have reached a point where communication through a small rectangular box is our interaction with our fellow man and maybe this is our problem.

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