Weather from a Hillbilly

Today I am participating in a blogfest at The Writer's Hole, my second and the topic “weather.” Now I could wrote some story that was just long enough to wet your whistle or  about the meaningless examples of why you should/should not carry weather gear, but NO! I chose to write about how we hillbillies actually forecast and describe the weather.

Growing up in a Kentucky we learn very young, that television, bad outfit wearing, out-of-state weather persons know nothing of Kentucky weather; they just have not lived here long enough. In Kentucky if you do not like the weather, just wait a day. Television is not our main resource for weather. So, exactly how does a hillbilly predict and describe the weather?

First and foremost a hillbilly understands their environment. We believe every slithering; slimy, noise-making creature on earth has some tie to the weather. We also believe not only do they have ties to the weather but can actually speak to us about it. It has nothing to do with the wild hemp that grows abundantly in Kentucky.

We can read the sky; yes, hillbillies can just look at the sky and tell the weather. What a weatherman in summer might call cumulus, a hillbilly will call “brewin.” The weather forecast would sound like, “them clouds are brewin up to a gully warsher.” (Pronounced: war-sher) Get the dialect down or you’ll be lost.

Those same clouds in the winter would be described as “a dumpin.” To put it into context, “them clouds say we gonna get a dumpin, better head to town now.” Though city folks in Kentucky panic hearing this hillbilly prediction. Mention snow in a Kentucky city and within 30 minutes you will not see bread or milk until spring.

On those occasions when we do have severe weather you may not realize it if you watch it on television. The dialogue you will hear will always sound something like this:

”me and ma, seen that water coming, got the boat off the porch and just waited to float up here, when you think our satellite dish will operate again?”

”I just knew she was gonna come a dumpin, parked my tractor right there. See that pile of snow, that’s my tractor. I’ll be ta spring diggin that thang out.”

”It was a tornadee, I tell you. Look at them there trees all blowed apart.”

Yes we hillbillies can forecast the weather; it is just the way in which we describe it, that masks our ability. Should you ask a hillbilly about the weather, don’t be surprised in the answer is a riddle. “What has to black stripes, crawls on the ground and there is a slew of em? Its, gonna be dumpin early and late, just bone chillin in between.”

In closing, should you be passing through my fine state and you hear the terms “a brewin, a dumpin” or the strange word “tornadee,” seek shelter immediately, it’s a hillbilly storm warning.

Everyone have a perfect weather sort of day.

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