The Holiday Gods Have Spoken

Thursday, June 3, 2010

I told you I do not make plans for Memorial Day and I did not but the Holiday Gods still spoke to me. They still made their appearance and put an end to my one planned event, a canoe trip. No worries I took it all in stride, I came away with some valuable tidbits of knowledge. Know what I learned over the Memorial Day Holiday?

I learned that two five-foot tall women are not tall enough for loading a canoe onto a vehicle. I also became aware canoes do not fit all vehicles, some are not wide enough and some are just too short. That if you insist on loading it into a short vehicle you will end up with what looks like a canoe sail and no, you do not have enough rope for this. Blasted Holiday Gods.


I learned that during the Memorial Day weekend flower vendors will try to unload, they’re hard to move merchandise. Those flowers you know have been offered to an animal but they just chewed a bit and then spit them out. Flowers that at first glance you know have been mutated from anything but a flower. Worst of all the help will politely tell you, “I do not know what that is and no it does not look like the picture.”

I learned that dogs do not like air-conditioning and would much rather be outside panting their tongues loose. If you ignore their dislikes they will steal your Duncan Hines Chocolate Delight cakes and eat them. Expelling the non-edible wrapping on the living room rug will follow this.

I learned that being unemployed could lead to a block being placed on your credit card. Not that I did not pay the bill or that I even had a bill but apparently they require you to use the thing. That if you go for a period of time with no use, they will consider you a fraud and put a block in place. Blasted Holiday Gods.

The most fascinating fact I now hold as knowledge, is that apparently there is dirt shortage during Memorial Day. I can only assume there is a shortage because the price has doubled in a week. Isn’t what happens when there was a shortage? How did we run out of dirt?

Oh well, at least I can share with you what the Holiday Gods have taught me. Did the Holiday Gods deposit knowledge on your weekend? Did they require you to offer up a sacrifice to make it through the weekend?

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2 comments:

kobico said, 

Who knew a car could be too small? For what it's worth, my dog ate my steak last week (not on Memorial Day, though).

June 5, 2010 at 12:34 AM  
Jules said, 

I think it is more my canoe is big, sorry about the steak.

June 6, 2010 at 6:04 AM  
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