Middle Aged Women Have a Condition

Monday, June 7, 2010

We middle aged women all achieve a condition no one but us can understand, yes menopause. We gather comrades with the condition and take small pleasure in knowing we are not alone. But what if you are not one of these middle aged women, can you recognize the symptoms? Do know what to do?

If you are the significant other to middle aged woman you might recognize these symptoms. You come home only to find the air conditioning and ceiling fans on high, your mate lying in the middle of the floor stark naked; this is not a hint it is a symptom. Politely hand them a cool cloth and walk away.

Later that night you select an action picture where half way through you look to your mate and tears are streaming down their face; don’t ask it is a symptom. Most likely they will not know why they are crying and personally I feel it is the bodies way of counter acting the days previous event. Best just to hand them a Kleenex and not speak.

Should you be asked to do something by your mate while in this condition, do not procrastinate. Procrastination will lead to another symptom where you will suddenly become the reason all mankind is in the toilet. Just say, “Yes dear” and do as asked.

If you are not a significant other but rather a co-worker, friend, relative, or just near one of these women please take note. Should they suddenly turn red in the face, grab every ones napkins, and proceed to drink all the water at the table, leave it alone. Try your best not to notice and carry on.

Should you witness the above symptoms do not ask simple questions, simple questions will lead to possession. Their eyes will bug out, their heads will spin, they will speak another language and you will only hope green pea soup come out of their mouth.

Lastly what ever you do; do not try to cheat, lie to, persuade, pity, or prove this woman wrong. The old saying, “0 to bitch in 60 seconds” you will find to be an under statement. Suddenly you will be faced with the devil himself and unless you are wearing a crucifix the wrath of God will follow.

So I beg you to take note of these symptoms, protect yourself and I hope this sheds some light on this elite group of women. Besides, didn’t you want to know why you asked that simple question only to come to work and find everything glued to you desktop?




4 comments:

#1Nana said, 

LOL...I'm so glad I have passed beyond that stage. Now I need a down comforter when I sit down to watch TV. I'm always cold. You can still find me crying at sappy scenes in movies, I think menopause permanently damaged my emotional system.
This was a good read.
Jann aka #1Nana

June 7, 2010 at 10:31 PM  
Jules said, 

Thank you Jann, I'm starting to be able to tell time by my condition. I'm glad you liked the post.

June 7, 2010 at 10:48 PM  
kobico said, 

I'm hoping menopause will mellow me out. I'm already kind of uptight!

June 9, 2010 at 3:48 AM  
Jules said, 

Don't count it, I've found it usually intensifies what we don't want.

June 9, 2010 at 8:04 AM  
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