The Doctor is In…

Monday, January 31, 2011

The patient lay there bleeding. Unconscious and unaware of the dire situation, and triage merely a band-aid, the patient needed a specialist. One from the crowd ran in fear, the liquid oozing from the orifice not a pretty site. “Someone call 911” came a scream.

A band of white glad clad angels descended on the scene. “Quick, this patient needs surgery,” one was heard to say. The angels went to work, stabilizing and prepping as if heaven guided their hands. In a hushed whisper an angel spoke, “This does not look good, something is wrong with its heart, doctor better hurry.”

Now stabilized, yet oozing through the gauze, the patient lay in wait. The sound of metal objects clinking and clattering was the last sound the patient heard and the last conscious thought, “The doctor must be here.” 

The band of white clad angels dissipated as the doctor enters the room. With purpose in his stride and confidence on his face he approached the patient. “Oh, this is not that bad, we can replace this damaged heart.” Little did he know?

The doctor went to work. In his gentle way he entered the patient’s chest and laid aside that which covered the heart. Methodically he approached the damaged part, twisting and turning until his hands had grasped the damaged heart. But the damaged part had a mind of its own, it did like the doctors’ hands.

With the patient, now on life support, and no sustaining liquid running through its veins; the doctor tried to extract that which was damaged. He held it in his hands and twisted to make that final cut, to separate good from bad. The heart did not oblige, it broke before the cut could be made.

The doctor began to panic. “We cannot replace but half a heart must get that remaining piece.” Sweat began to pour down his brow as he tried every tool on the tray. Twisted in every position and still the piece of heart would not budge. “We will go old school,” the doctor declared and reached for a drawer.

The moment he turned around a group gasp filled the room, he had retrieved an old surgical saw. “Do not fear, it is the only way,” he quieted the room and went back to the patient.

One lone angel was not so sure and asked the doctor if this was best. “I have no choice he will die if I cannot replace his heart.” He turned grasped hold of the piece of heart and began to saw. “Doctor his vitals are waning you must hurry,” an assistant proclaimed.

The doctor sawed in frenzy. He twisted and turned the broken piece of heart, then sawed some more, until finally the piece of heart broke free. A cheer erupted from the gallery and the doctor let out a sigh. “Now give me that new heart, let’s get this guy back to flushing.”

Yes, you heard me right. The patient was my toilet and the heart its flush valve. I apparently have more strength than I know, broke the thing off in a manner I had to hack saw the stem off. Three hours later and a new flush valve in, the patient can now once again flush.

Peace…

I’ll be late getting to everyone today, have to meet a man about some drawings. $$$



31 comments:

welcome to my world of poetry said, 

Jules you had me worried there,but what an excellent write about a toilet.....and what a sense of humour. Thanks for the laugh today.

Have a good day.
Yvonne.

January 31, 2011 at 7:56 AM  
floweringmama said, 

Man, you really had me going. You really are talented, Jules.

Good luck with the drawings!

Did you see U.K.'s last game?

January 31, 2011 at 7:57 AM  
The Good Wifehold said, 

Ha ha! Very clever. Sounds like your weekend was even more interesting than mine... TGW

January 31, 2011 at 8:54 AM  
Roland D. Yeomans said, 

Don't make me concerned like that! Great humorous job there. I wish you great luck with the drawings. Roland

January 31, 2011 at 9:36 AM  
Clarissa Draper said, 

OMG, that's the first time I've ever read heart surgery and a toilet compared before. Great job.

January 31, 2011 at 10:00 AM  
Green Monkey said, 

WOW... was I stressed out ! now, I'm laughing at you and at myself. entertaining as always!

January 31, 2011 at 10:42 AM  
Green Monkey said, 

WOW... was I stressed out ! now, I'm laughing at you and at myself. entertaining as always!

January 31, 2011 at 10:42 AM  
Blasphemous Aesthete said, 

hahahaha, and I was thinking throughout that it was some scene from an operation theatre...

Witty, I'd say. Nice read.

Cheers,
Blasphemous Aesthete

January 31, 2011 at 10:43 AM  
AlexOngNYC said, 

Always a big fan of toilet humor.

Alex
Breakfast Every Hour

January 31, 2011 at 11:13 AM  
Arlee Bird said, 

Yes, Jules, you have a way teasing us by taking the common and making it fascinatingly uncommon. Good job!

Lee
Tossing It Out and the Blogging From A to Z April Challenge 2011

January 31, 2011 at 11:30 AM  
Alex J. Cavanaugh said, 

You made fixing the commode sound so exciting!

January 31, 2011 at 11:39 AM  
lisleman said, 

your heart is in a strange on this one.
Do you see what I see in that old photo? There's a tray of bagels behind the doctors.

January 31, 2011 at 12:45 PM  
The Golden Eagle said, 

I was on the edge of my seat, I was so anxious to find out what happened!

Great post. :D

January 31, 2011 at 2:32 PM  
Holly Ruggiero said, 

Everyday life adventures! Great story.

January 31, 2011 at 2:33 PM  
Summer Ross said, 

I didn't think of a toilet until you mentioned...LOL then I flooded with relief. Good post Jules.

January 31, 2011 at 2:41 PM  
The Blogger Formerly Known As said, 

Mine had exactly the same problem a few weeks ago. It wasn’t so dramatic for me though, I just got my dad to sort it for me.

January 31, 2011 at 3:51 PM  
welcome to my world of poetry said, 

Thanks for the visit and comment,
I arrive in Nashville on Feb 10th and leave on the 16th getting back at Gatwick early on the 17th.
Hope all the slides have been cleaned in my honour....lol

Yvonne.

January 31, 2011 at 4:00 PM  
Ann said, 

Oh my...I was holding my breath! Glad to hear your toilet has recovered from its ordeal!

January 31, 2011 at 5:11 PM  
Tammy said, 

Still clutching my chest. So glad the patient lived. My own needs the occasional fibrillation-by-handle-jiggling.

January 31, 2011 at 9:08 PM  
Elliot Grace said, 

...such a potty mouth!

Also wanted to offer some love for "If a Child." Wonderful scribe, Jules...wonderful:)

EL

January 31, 2011 at 10:31 PM  
Mason Canyon said, 

Way to keep everyone in suspense. Great read.

Mason
Thoughts in Progress

January 31, 2011 at 11:06 PM  
Glynis said, 

Brilliant! So glad you are flushed with pride! ;0

February 1, 2011 at 4:12 AM  
Tracy said, 

Fantastic Jules...just a cliff-hanger. I found myself reading fast and scanning because I needed to know what happened. You have such a gift.

thanks for the laugh at the end!

February 1, 2011 at 5:05 AM  
Flying high in the sky.... said, 

my God!!!!!!!!!! my blood pressure went so up and then it was ........ aah..don't need to express in words! beautiful!!! :)

February 1, 2011 at 9:22 AM  
Ella said, 

Jules,
I was engrossed, then the April fool came early! lol....you had me going!

OOH, hope it goes well with the paintings~

February 1, 2011 at 11:13 AM  
Her highness, Samantha Vérant said, 

Ouch. You had me. You really had me. Nice writing, Jules!

Some Guys Are Toads

February 1, 2011 at 11:53 AM  
Carolyn Abiad said, 

LOL! I thought we were going the "broken heart" route and then you sprang the toilet on us! :)

February 1, 2011 at 2:44 PM  
Paula & Skip said, 

Wunderbar! The toilet will never be the same for me...
Hugs and love to you

February 1, 2011 at 4:40 PM  
L'Aussie said, 

Jules, you talk about doing a speed reading course. I must admit for a fast reader I came to an abrupt halt when the saw was introduced. I tried to read with my eyes closed but it didn't work.
Oi!

Great stuff,

Denise:)

February 1, 2011 at 8:37 PM  
Velvet Over Steel said, 

Oh my goosh... my heart was racing in suspense & you had me going right up close to the end. Love this, Jules!

Great job!!! :-)
Coreen xoxoxo

February 1, 2011 at 11:19 PM  
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