Friday, February 18, 2011
They can and do.When left to their own devices, your Christmas presents will revolt and can cause you bodily harm. I know I have committed this dreadful act and nearly drowned.
Two years ago I received a present that I both, needed and wanted, a full body bath pillow. When you are bony and love two-hour long baths a pillow is a luxury. My mother honored me with this long desired luxury present.
But life happened and it was not until this Christmas I remembered said present. One day while I was lounging in the tub, my backside began to ache from bone on porcelain, ah the present. Get out, retrieve it and blow it up.
I should have known something was amiss when the girls looked at me asking, “Are you sure that belongs in there?” “It’s alright, I need this,” I replied trying to ease their fears. You know animals have a sixth sense.
With the four foot long pillow now blown-up, how was I to get on the thing, I already had water in the tub? Well, have you ever seen someone at the pool try to get on a float in mid-pool? Exactly, it rolls you under and over and in my case, right into the wall. Thank goodness for bathroom walls.
The dogs, now growling at the pillow, but I was not to be deterred. I assumed I could throw one leg over the ticked off Christmas present and sink it. The Christmas present had other ideas and I swear I heard it snort. The moment I threw my leg over said pillow it shot out from under me and attacked the dogs.
Okay game on! I would not be beat by a plastic, blow-up, ticked off Christmas present. I stood up in the tub and declared war. Again I heard a snort and so did the dogs. Poor things; they so wanted to exit the room, sensed what was coming and began to argue over who would get the position behind the toilet.
Totally annoyed I grabbed hold of the monster present, positioned a leg on each side and sat down to tame the beast. That is when a bell ring and just like at a rodeo the pillowed turned into a mad as hell bull.
It tilted right, it tilted left, the front came up, the back went down and I’m here to tell you 8 seconds is a long time to bull ride in a bath tub! I heard one last snort and the buzzer went off. We were at ease or should I say afloat.
After all that, here I was on a four foot float in a five foot bath tub; I did not weight enough to sink it. For some reason laying naked in the tub while on a float is not relaxing to me. But the ticked off Christmas present was tamed.
The moral of the story: do not leave your Christmas presents alone for very long. They will come up with their own entertainment at your expense.
I have noticed my follower count and do want to do something fitting, I just have to figure out what. For now please except my deepest thank you for thinking me worthy of following. I am honored.
Peace… and have a great weekend!
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