When Christmas Presents Attack

Friday, February 18, 2011

It is nearly spring so I feel it is imperative that I warn you about unattended Christmas presents.  Did you know they can get ticked off?

They can and do.When left to their own devices, your Christmas presents will revolt and can cause you bodily harm. I know I have committed this dreadful act and nearly drowned.

Two years ago I received a present that I both, needed and wanted, a full body bath pillow. When you are bony and love two-hour long baths a pillow is a luxury. My mother honored me with this long desired luxury present.

But life happened and it was not until this Christmas I remembered said present. One day while I was lounging in the tub, my backside began to ache from bone on porcelain, ah the present. Get out, retrieve it and blow it up.

I should have known something was amiss when the girls looked at me asking, “Are you sure that belongs in there?” “It’s alright, I need this,” I replied trying to ease their fears. You know animals have a sixth sense.

With the four foot long pillow now blown-up, how was I to get on the thing, I already had water in the tub? Well, have you ever seen someone at the pool try to get on a float in mid-pool? Exactly, it rolls you under and over and in my case, right into the wall. Thank goodness for bathroom walls.

The dogs, now growling at the pillow, but I was not to be deterred. I assumed I could throw one leg over the ticked off Christmas present and sink it. The Christmas present had other ideas and I swear I heard it snort. The moment I threw my leg over said pillow it shot out from under me and attacked the dogs.

Okay game on! I would not be beat by a plastic, blow-up, ticked off Christmas present. I stood up in the tub and declared war. Again I heard a snort and so did the dogs. Poor things; they so wanted to exit the room, sensed what was coming and began to argue over who would get the position behind the toilet.

Totally annoyed I grabbed hold of the monster present, positioned a leg on each side and sat down to tame the beast. That is when a bell ring and just like at a rodeo the pillowed turned into a mad as hell bull.

It tilted right, it tilted left, the front came up, the back went down and I’m here to tell you 8 seconds is a long time to bull ride in a bath tub! I heard one last snort and the buzzer went off. We were at ease or should I say afloat.

After all that, here I was on a four foot float in a five foot bath tub; I did not weight enough to sink it. For some reason laying naked in the tub while on a float is not relaxing to me. But the ticked off Christmas present was tamed.

The moral of the story: do not leave your Christmas presents alone for very long. They will come up with their own entertainment at your expense.

I have noticed my follower count and do want to do something fitting, I just have to figure out what. For now please except my deepest thank you for thinking me worthy of following. I am honored.

Peace… and have a great weekend!


Tracy said, 

Well, goodness gracious Jules, I certainly am glad you didn't get a chainsaw for Christmas! :)
I hope it was okay to laugh, as I'm suspecting it was because you had me in fits of laughter!
Have a great Friday!

February 18, 2011 at 7:00 AM  
welcome to my world of poetry said, 

Hi friend I'm back.....just about still a wee bit jet lagged .
Loved your post, I too get presents that I suddenly remember about some time later.
No Nashville slide, most disappointed but enjoyed myself all the same,


February 18, 2011 at 7:01 AM  
Elliot Grace said, 

...goes to show the importance of re-gifting:)

Have a great weekend,


February 18, 2011 at 7:08 AM  
The Words Crafter said, 

This was hilarious! Thanks for making my morning :)))

February 18, 2011 at 7:46 AM  
floweringmama said, 

Hey Jules,
Great post this morning. I agree though- it's a damn good thing you didn't get a chainsaw for Christmas! :-)

February 18, 2011 at 8:17 AM  
Summer Ross said, 

A fairy hello Jules! This was a terrific post- it made me smile!
Have a very lovely Friday!

February 18, 2011 at 8:32 AM  
Corine said, 

LOL! :D That was awesome!! But you know what... you had us all imagining you BUT NAKED the morning! ;D (just kidding :O)

February 18, 2011 at 8:47 AM  
Corine said, 

LOL! :D That was awesome!! But you know what... you had us all imagining you BUT NAKED the morning! ;D (just kidding :O)

February 18, 2011 at 8:47 AM  
The Blogger Formerly Known As said, 

I like long baths too. But I’ll let this be a lesson to me.

Congratulations on all your followers!

Have a great weekend.

February 18, 2011 at 8:57 AM  
Hannah Kincade said, 

LOL! That explains so much about the disarray of my apartment. I know I left it neater but it must be those ignored Christmas presents! I knew something was amiss. I just thought it was the iPod gnomes bored with lack of work, I stand corrected.

February 18, 2011 at 10:38 AM  
Shannon O'Donnell said, 

Ha ha ha! This was the perfect post to start my day. :-)

February 18, 2011 at 10:40 AM  
li said, 

Some relaxing bath...you must have been exhausted by the end :) The only thing worse than presents attacking is almost losing a finger or an eye trying to get them out of the packaging.

February 18, 2011 at 10:45 AM  
M.J. Fifield said, 

I didn't know they made full body bath pillows. I want one. I promise not to ignore it.

A great post! Lots of fun!

February 18, 2011 at 11:29 AM  
Margo Benson said, 

So funny! Thank you - my neck pillow is compliant, thank goodness!

February 18, 2011 at 11:41 AM  
The Golden Eagle said, 

This was so funny! :)

Have a wonderful weekend!

February 18, 2011 at 12:09 PM  
Eric W. Trant said, 

Never heard of a full-body bath pillow.

Never heard of someone who has two hours to take a bath!

- Eric

February 18, 2011 at 4:08 PM  
Theresa Milstein said, 

That is some story. I never heard of a body bath pillow before. Now that I have, I'm very, very afraid of them. Good thing I take showers!

February 18, 2011 at 4:27 PM  
RosieC said, 

Oh, Jules! That's awful. And funny, but pretty unfortunate. I'm sorry that it needed to take its revenge on you. It's not like you ignored it on purpose! :) At least you persevered and won.

February 18, 2011 at 7:06 PM  
Clarissa Draper said, 

Who invented such a mad pillow? I mean come on, what are you suppose to do with a pillow that floats? I feel bad for the bloke who spent his money on it.

February 18, 2011 at 9:37 PM  

My dearest daughter you have made my day because I have laughted till I cried. This was to help you relax not a fighting match. I'm sorry that you don't weight 100 lbs soaking wet and don't have enough butt to hold it down. But this would win the funniest video. Like your followers said how do you run that chain saw? Well you may not have used the Christmas present at the right time but I figure it was the right time because all of us got a laugh and at this day and time we need a good laugh. Love U! What do you want for next Christmas?

February 19, 2011 at 12:18 AM  
L. Diane Wolfe said, 

LOL!! Attacked the dogs - that is too funny.

February 19, 2011 at 1:51 PM  
Ella said, 

Wow Jules,
I mean Lucy, you had quite a time!
I am just happy to hear you didn't get hurt, bull, pillow, and water. Phew, I thought for sure...it wasn't going to well. Glad you had a happy ending! Really a 4ft pillow...whoah~

February 19, 2011 at 11:18 PM  
Arlee Bird said, 

That was just plain nutty. And congrats on passing 200!! I have a feeling we'll be seeing a lot of this sort of thing in the days and weeks to come.

Tossing It Out

February 20, 2011 at 1:37 AM  
Hold my hand: a social worker's blog said, 

HAHAHAHA Oh my dear... sorry that I'm laughing so much, but I can't help it!

I love your mom's comment...hehehe


February 20, 2011 at 2:01 PM  
Tammy said, 

Wonderful description. Clear up till the end, I wasn't sure who would win. Glad you tamed the beast!

February 22, 2011 at 8:01 PM  
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