When Christmas Presents Attack

It is nearly spring so I feel it is imperative that I warn you about unattended Christmas presents.  Did you know they can get ticked off?

They can and do.When left to their own devices, your Christmas presents will revolt and can cause you bodily harm. I know I have committed this dreadful act and nearly drowned.

Two years ago I received a present that I both, needed and wanted, a full body bath pillow. When you are bony and love two-hour long baths a pillow is a luxury. My mother honored me with this long desired luxury present.

But life happened and it was not until this Christmas I remembered said present. One day while I was lounging in the tub, my backside began to ache from bone on porcelain, ah the present. Get out, retrieve it and blow it up.

I should have known something was amiss when the girls looked at me asking, “Are you sure that belongs in there?” “It’s alright, I need this,” I replied trying to ease their fears. You know animals have a sixth sense.

With the four foot long pillow now blown-up, how was I to get on the thing, I already had water in the tub? Well, have you ever seen someone at the pool try to get on a float in mid-pool? Exactly, it rolls you under and over and in my case, right into the wall. Thank goodness for bathroom walls.

The dogs, now growling at the pillow, but I was not to be deterred. I assumed I could throw one leg over the ticked off Christmas present and sink it. The Christmas present had other ideas and I swear I heard it snort. The moment I threw my leg over said pillow it shot out from under me and attacked the dogs.

Okay game on! I would not be beat by a plastic, blow-up, ticked off Christmas present. I stood up in the tub and declared war. Again I heard a snort and so did the dogs. Poor things; they so wanted to exit the room, sensed what was coming and began to argue over who would get the position behind the toilet.

Totally annoyed I grabbed hold of the monster present, positioned a leg on each side and sat down to tame the beast. That is when a bell ring and just like at a rodeo the pillowed turned into a mad as hell bull.

It tilted right, it tilted left, the front came up, the back went down and I’m here to tell you 8 seconds is a long time to bull ride in a bath tub! I heard one last snort and the buzzer went off. We were at ease or should I say afloat.

After all that, here I was on a four foot float in a five foot bath tub; I did not weight enough to sink it. For some reason laying naked in the tub while on a float is not relaxing to me. But the ticked off Christmas present was tamed.

The moral of the story: do not leave your Christmas presents alone for very long. They will come up with their own entertainment at your expense.

I have noticed my follower count and do want to do something fitting, I just have to figure out what. For now please except my deepest thank you for thinking me worthy of following. I am honored.

Peace… and have a great weekend!

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