Networking: It's An Order!

It is official, I have been told I to get out of the house. No, I was not evicted or anything such as that. This is my housemate’s public service announcement for the week. My housemate swears it is for my own good. I need to network, network?

My housemate (let’s call her Twister) has informed me ever so stern I need to get out and network. What exactly does that mean? Is networking the professional version of “girls night out?” What ever,Twister informed me, “meeting people will lead to contacts and contacts lead to jobs, just do it.”


I thought about this all night, in fact my dream for the evening included losing an arm to shaking hands with perfect strangers. I guess I’ve been reading to many of your book excerpts. I awoke feeling like I was in the middle of some demented crime novel where the villain preyed on unsuspecting “networkers.”

After several large cups of coffee my mind started to clear, my novel like dream began to fade and yet I still faced the order “to network.” Now that my head is clear and I have had time to digest this networking proposal I’m starting to question Ms. Twister.

I’m a do-gooder, a kind heart, a trust all sort of person, does she not remember all those weird situations she has witnessed? I am not the sort of person to attract that one lone businessperson who has gotten lost in Wal-Mart.

I tend to attract the bag lady with the cute stuffed kitty that swears she needs milk money to feed her kitty. I attract the sole redneck in a crowded room that insists I look just like his ex-girl friend and just has to buy me a drink. Rednecks do not understand the phrase “No thank you.”

Oh yes, I do on occasion attract a real businessman, only to have him wink at me as he proclaims, “Yes, I have a job for you.” E-you! Are you getting the message yet? Understand why I’m starting to question Ms. Twister?

I’m thinking if she insists I do this networking thing she should at least provide me with protection. At a bear minimum Ms. Twister should give me milk money, redneck repellent and a stun gun for the lonely businessmen.

So, in the weeks to come should you see a headline that reads, “Kentucky woman stuns local business man into stuttering,” you’ll know I tried networking.

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