It's A Heat Wave and I Had Peas For Dinner

I don’t know about you but where I am we are in the grips of a heat wave and being hot and sweating is my least favorite thing. That does not mean I can shuck my outdoor duties nor does it mean that I cannot find humor in it either. So in 95-degree heat how on earth did I find humor?

I knew first thing it was going to be a real hot one. How, you ask? As I opened the door for my furry friends to have their morning romp, all three stopped suddenly at the door. In unison I heard them say, “No way, we can hold it.”

 Not true, you cannot hold it, come on I will go with you. Out into the sauna we went. They, knowing I was bringing up the rear, ran down the stairs and stood waiting in the shaded grass. I on the other hand, did not put on any shoes and proceeded to stroll. Not for long.

After the third step the sensation of pain set in and the pace hastened to a run. I too was running for the feel of cool shaded grass on my blistering feet. Once I reached the grass and let out a big “AH” I asked them, “Why didn’t you warn me?” They responded with dog snickers and a soothing roll on the ground. Needless to say the return trip was a mad dash for the door by all.

Returning to the comfort of AC I noticed the parade of avid walkers had begun and with a few subtle changes. First, costumes had been added. I do not know where they found the headdresses but apparently heat gives permission to one to adorn any strange thing that casts a shadow.

Second, I presume during a heat wave just staying at home is not an option. Some of my local parade participants have not yet reached their desired “Greatest Loser” physique and rather than stay at home they chose to throw caution to the wind.

I chose to throw up. There is no worse sight than that of a lily-white man on bicycle, wearing cut off shorts, with no shirt, styling a century old beer gut and wearing a hat supporting the N.R.A., I had to laugh.

After spending early evening mowing a few yards and reaching critical mass I realized a heat wave can be dangerous. You can become delirious and will start to hear voices.

All evening I swear I heard someone in my freeze. I could hear something from within saying, “Psst, yeah you, come here.” Finally after an hour or so I got up to quite the voices in my head and went to the freezer. As I opened the door this is what I found.

My frozen peas had escaped from their packaging. They where standing on the bottom rack, little pea hands stuck in their ears, waving their little pea fingers at me and singing, “We got it, you want it, we got it, you want it, ICE!”

I had peas for dinner.

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