The Day You Do Not Need To Call

Sunday, September 5, 2010

I cannot remember a single day in my adulthood that I have not phoned my grandmother. It is just a part of my life. As to when the phone calls began I am not sure, though I’m sure my mother would attest it being the day I learned to use the phone. It is these calls that haunt the silence of my Sunday.

My grandmother will be 92 in month or so, and just the thought of not making these calls wells up in my eyes and explodes with my heart skipping a beat. Yesterday I was reminded; I needed to prepare myself that someday soon, I would no longer need to call.

I just can not imagine my day without that call. No matter where my life has led me my grandmother has always been there. My best friend, my buddy, my grandmother; there just has always been a bond I cannot explain with words.

I have phoned my grandmother from the steps of the capital; from the southern most tip of the US, from the Great Smokey Mountains and all points in between. I once even changed my cell phone carrier because the coverage would not allow me to call her.

I would venture to say I have spent most likely several years of my life on the phone with my grandmother. We have laughed, cried, remembered, solved world problems and as she puts it, “Just got on a soap box.”

Several months’ back I became aware that the granny I once knew was slipping from my grasp. No longer was her mind sharp, her opinions had started not to matter. She swears people are stealing from her, when the sad truth is, her mind is all that has been robbed. Lunch and dinner cannot be recalled, and old memories are all that remain but she is still my granny. To me she will always be the same.

I know my time with her is short, that to each other our voices have always been special. None of this brings me any comfort and a tear breaks my Sunday silence.

I just do not know how to prepare for that day; I do not need to call.


Summer Ross said, 

This is hard indeed. Change is always inevitable. I wish I had some great friend advice that would help you through a process everyone experiences differently. however the only thing I could offer is my virtual hug and ear. :)

September 5, 2010 at 12:06 PM  
Alex J. Cavanaugh said, 

That is so difficult.
Maybe when that day comes, you can call someone else to whom your grandmother meant so much, and the two of you can share in the memories.

September 5, 2010 at 1:14 PM  
welcome to my world of poetry said, 

Jules you're halfway there by accepting a day will come when you won't need to phone.
Think of all the happy memories you've shared, the laughs, the tears,what she means to you,When that day comes she'll still be with you I know.

Take care.

September 5, 2010 at 1:39 PM  
Wander to the Wayside said, 

That's the kind of relationship I'm trying to build with my grandsons...they are only 4 and 7 now, and I see them most every day, but, on the odd day that we're apart, one of us will call the other and say "I just wanted to hear your voice!". My hope is that as the years go by it will be something they will want to continue. I never had this kind of relationship with anyone, so I'm very jealous of those who did or do, such as yourself.

I received a condolence card when my stepmother died that said something like 'no time is long enough to say goodbye to someone we love', and that is so true. So even though you will eventually have to say that final goodbye, you will have enough of all those daily phone conversations stored up in your head and heart to last YOUR lifetime.

September 5, 2010 at 2:05 PM  
Queen-Size funny bone said, 

you can always keep calling no matter what. at some point she will just be listening and thats okay too.

September 5, 2010 at 2:10 PM  
Paula said, 

Dear, that is so very hard. Such a very special relationship. I am thinking of you. Hugs across the pond

September 5, 2010 at 2:11 PM  
a sojourner said, 

hi Jules:)

i think Yvonne hit the nail on the head with her response of "being halfway there" knowing the call will come. i knew well in advance when some of my family members were getting ready to cross the river. it allowed me to have a grieving process well before the day arrived and it also helped me to be strong for others that needed comfort by their passing.

September 5, 2010 at 3:26 PM  
Clarissa Draper said, 

That is so sad. I just want to cry. It's so sad to have that connection broken. I hope many days, months and years pass before that happens.


September 5, 2010 at 3:33 PM  
Jules said, 

Sorry to bring everyone's holiday down. I had this on my mind and it would not let go.

For me I've found it best to get it out. I know this is a bridge I will just have to cross when I get there.

Thank you though for your kind thoughts and support. :)

September 5, 2010 at 7:30 PM  
KarenG said, 

I love that you call your grandma every day. She is very lucky. You both are.

September 5, 2010 at 8:17 PM  
Elliot Grace said, 

...take those memories with you, the endless conversations. Hang onto them and never let go. The memories will be what pull you through this. That'll be the medicine that makes you smile again.

Touching post, Jules.

September 5, 2010 at 10:36 PM  
arlee bird said, 

There have been some real fine comments left already that I couldn't say much better.
I was never close to my paternal grandmother, who I think died in the early 1980s. I was closer to my maternal grandmother, who died in 1988 at age 88 I believe, but still never got to see here much. It's wonderful that you have been able to be so close to yours.

Tossing It Out

September 6, 2010 at 12:29 AM  
Rayna M. Iyer said, 

What a wonderful post!
Not a single day has passed without you calling your grandmother- now, that is some record. Shows how great is the relationship between both of you.
I adored my grandmother too. She passed away when I was 16, but I have always felt she is right there with me. But, we never spoke everyday, or much at all.

September 6, 2010 at 12:29 AM  
kobico said, 

Preparing for that day can be almost as stressful as the day itself. In some ways, I am thankful that once my grandmother's cancer was diagnosed, everything happened so quickly that we didn't have time to think about the inevitable. We just focused on making her final days with us as comfortable and happy as possible.

September 6, 2010 at 3:19 AM  
Rayna M. Iyer said, 

Award for you on my blog.

September 6, 2010 at 4:17 AM  

You have been a great joy to Dean all through these years too. I am sure she thinks about no longer being able to receive your calls, even in her forgetfulness. It will be hard, but you have her strong genes, and you will find your way through it when the time comes. Robie says she and Mom are going to out live us anyway...feel better. martha

September 6, 2010 at 8:29 AM  
Ellie said, 

You words remind me of my grandmother
She ended up with cancer; her memories were fragmented. She thought stealing was going on and her days became blurred. We had a unique relationship; I lived next to my paternal grandmother, but my maternal one and I found another way to bond, through letter writing. I would always send her odds n' ends, as my life as a military spouse, began. I think for me, I felt guilty, I didn't really know her. We did become really close.

I am sad you don't need to call; you have the memories and should write them down and keep her wisdom alive~ Write down the happiest, funniest, and wisest encounters you can remember. When you do call, see if you can reach her with these touchstones! This memories will always be cornerstones of who you are and became!
Treasure them~xXx

September 6, 2010 at 9:49 AM  
Tina said, 

I lost my dear grandmother in February at the age of 98. But she'd been "gone" for about seven years. It was excruciating for me. She was such a huge influence in my life and I miss her daily. This post is a lovely tribute to your grandmother. And nice to meet you. I hopped over from Rayna's, she gave us both the award today.
Tina @ Life is Good

September 6, 2010 at 12:50 PM  
The Words Crafter said, 

Bless your heart, I know it's hard. I'm glad, though, that you've had all these years together. All the talks and laughter and tears and support.

One of my greatest frustrations is that people work all their lives only to grow old and feeble. It's not fair.

Still, I have to believe that somewhere, deep in the soul, all those cherished things still exist. They have to.

September 6, 2010 at 3:15 PM  
The Words Crafter said, 

Bless your heart, I know it's hard. I'm glad, though, that you've had all these years together. All the talks and laughter and tears and support.

One of my greatest frustrations is that people work all their lives only to grow old and feeble. It's not fair.

Still, I have to believe that somewhere, deep in the soul, all those cherished things still exist. They have to.

September 6, 2010 at 3:15 PM  
Glynis said, 

I know how you feel. The 5th was my father's birthday. He is in a hospital due to Alzheimer's until he is calm enough for a care home. For the first time in my life I could not say happy birthday to dad. He no longer copes with the phone. I could not see him as I am in another country.
It hurts, it will hurt more but we have to hold onto memories that make us smile. Hold onto yours. x

September 8, 2010 at 8:30 AM  
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