Subpar is Back

Friday, April 22, 2011

Hey, do you remember me? Been awhile hasn’t it? Sorry about that, but it was a needed break. I was stuck in a rut, scalded with emotions and stabbed by my reality which in my opinion was leading to subpar posts.

To you my lovely followers and those passing kind souls I take the “I’m not worthy” pose and say, “Thank you.” All of your comments and kind emails touched my heart in an uplifting, wow sort of way that has snapped me back. But why was I feeling my writing was subpar?

I felt that way because it was merely heartless words on the page. As children we are taught to put words on paper but as adults we should sense or feel those words in a tangible way, otherwise, just words on a page. I was not feeling them.

I must be moved by what I write, if you enjoy it, we both win; but my words must touch MY heart first. The blogfest had me writing like a robot, no emotion and not me at all. Yes, I am my own worst critic, a perfectionist by character flaw and believe me; my character is flawed right now.|

I began to ask myself, if I do not laugh at my own words why should others? If I do not stop and make myself think about a concept why should others? If I tell a story and it does nothing but relate an event, have I created anything but words on the page? This led to the subpar feeling.
I hope you understand my heart did not feel the words I was writing, my fingers just hitting keys and I imposed a hiatus. I tucked myself away and listened to music. As loud as I legally could I played my beloved B.B., Etta and slew of other musical medicinal cures, thumping my heart back into writing rhythm.

No robot writing for me, the only robot I want is the one that eradicates those alien dust bunnies.

I’ll be making the rounds. But from me to you… Have a great weekend.

Peace….

Technorati Tags: Friday,Subpar,Writing,Words,Trying To Get Over The Rainbow

38 comments:

RHYTHM AND RHYME said,: Great to have you back Jules.
I fully understand what you meant,
Luckily I did my 26 letters over a period of time so it was just a case of putting them on every night.
If you don't feel right with what you write then as you say how can others.
Hope all is well now.
Yvonne.
Gail said,: Glad you're back, I totally understand.

I tend to hide behind the pictures and let them do the talking.
Elisabeth said,: I'm new here, Jules, and I think I understand what you write about in relation to feeling unconnected to your writing and therefore pulling away from it.

Sometimes I find I can write and feel dreadful at the same time, and then come back sometime later only to discover that the writing which I felt to be so awful as I was writing it, was not so bad after all.

We are, as you suggest, our own worst critics and the monkey on your shoulder is a monkey worth shedding, if you are not to be silenced by your own inner critic.

This is not to say that anything you write goes, but be careful of that internal voice. It can be very dangerous.

That said, it's good to see you back here, Jules. This from a recent follower.
Unknown said,: Good one :) Nice you are back, it is a challenge for a reason.
Alex J. Cavanaugh said,: But in reading your words, I've never interpreted sub-par, Jules!
Theresa Milstein said,: I'm glad you're back! I've missed your posts.

I don't participate in the A to Z Challenges for the same reason you voice so eloquently here, it would zap my creative energy. I post on what strikes me at the moment, when I want to post. My posts are not factory molds I must churn out. And I don't want to write on a subject that moves me only to have to find the right title or word to make the post fit the A to Z guidelines.
Mary@GigglesandGuns said,: Welcome back, my friend.
RosieC said,: I'm also glad you're back. I'm sorry you weren't feeling it, and I completely understand. This blogfest has been nuts, and it's been hard to keep up. It's wonderful that you took some time for yourself to recoop. Take care of yourself first.

Can I also echo Alex's words and say subpar was never a thought that crossed my mind? Far from it. I always enjoy your posts and the wit in them. I understand you not feeling it, though. But, really, it doesn't generally come across as anything but pure, witty you.

*hugs*
Larri said,: Can't say subpar was something I thought when reading your posts, bloggy friend. I've enjoyed them. I also completely understand what you're trying to convey when you feel your heart isn't in your writing. Glad your break is over and you're back. Happy Friday! :o)
Manzanita said,: I felt that in the beginning of the A-Z there was a frantic feeling of wanting to cover every post all at once. In reality, who could do that? But now it feels so different. We've all made new friends, settled down and everything feels mellow. There's a calm and it's inspiring.
You are a beautiful person and I'm happy we met. Glad you're back.
Samantha Vérant said,: I know EXACTLY how you feel. I disappeared from the blogosphere for an entire year. (big rut) So glad you are back and yes, sometimes, this blog stuff is tedious – especially when you're not feeling it. Hugs. We're here to help you get over the rainbow...
N. R. Williams said,: There's a good chance I would have had to do the same thing if I hadn't scheduled post. I became so exhausted last week. I didn't visit many folks and I didn't write at all. I am only 1,000 words from the end of my novella. Today I hope. Then off to critique it goes.

One reason I've been posting a lot of YouTube and other short pieces is I figured people would need a break from reading.
Cheers,
Nancy
N. R. Williams, The Treasures of Carmelidrium.
kjmckendry said,: Great post! Sometimes I have to remind myself why I'm writing.
Corine Moore said,: Oh my gosh I LOVE THIS! lol I'm laughing because this is probably a spontaneously written from the heart blog, which took you 10 minutes to write - because it came from your heart, and not just your head; and because that is what makes it so good... So I totally understand where you are coming from! I totally agree, and feel the same way. It agonizes me when I post blogs and then look back and wonder why I posted them! But don't worry... despite what you may have been feeling, we all still love your blog! :D No one's leaving!!! ;)
Corine :D
Unknown said,: Well, I'm glad you're back and I understand what you mean about words. The right words just makes the day flow better.
Jayne said,: Jules- good for you. Crank up the volume! Whatever it takes. I have the very same issues now and then. It's frustrating, and the best cure is to create some distance and go exploring. Happy weekend to you, too! :)
Kathie said,: Glad to see you back Jules! I get what you're saying :-)

have a great weekend!
Roland D. Yeomans said,: Life punishes us enough without us joining in, Jules. Blogging is meant to be fun and helpful. If this challenge isn't either, re-think it.

I didn't officially join for my life is too full to do it well. So I play along when my post fits.

Words are important to writers. Better to feel a few than write a river of them that become an unfeeling swamp. Have a lovely Easter weekend, Roland
Tracy said,: I missed you girl...I tried to give you your space and some I succeeded but wanted you to know I wasn't far from your perimeter. I hope the hiatus helped and you can once again find your passion and gusto.
love and hugs...
~Sia McKye~ said,: Writing to deadlines can make anyone feel subpar. Everything we put down seems like dross. But we persevere.

Hey, if you have an extra robot? I have dust bunnies galore it can feed on, lol!

Ps. I have a sign in my office: Write what you feel...
Li said,: Hi Jules! Missed you. Been dealing with some of the same issues, but have found fellow bloggers a wonderful support system. I have also found that when I posted one or two subpar pieces, someone always found a word or phrase to pull out which they found meaningful. You just never know what will resonate with others. (Then again, maybe they're just being NICE.) But I will always stick by my one mantra: when writing becomes a painful chore, something you actually dread, then it's time to take a break. I hope your time away refreshed you, and hope to see you back soon. Welcome home.
Golden Eagle said,: I'm glad you're back! :)

I didn't think your posts were subpar--but I definitely understand needing to take a break from the writing, so it means something to not just the reader but to the writer.

Have a wonderful weekend!
Hold my hand: a social worker's blog said,: Jubes!!!!!!

I'm glad you're back!
xoxoxoxo

Doris
Karen Lange said,: Great to have you back! Have a fabulous weekend! :)
Unknown said,: I'm sorry to see you haven't been around... and also sorry that I haven't been around to see that you haven't been around!

I do understand the need to feel a connection to what you create, otherwise it's just some sort of rote exercise. I'm glad you're coming back and re-finding your voice.
Wellington Artist said,: As an artist we have to be inspired whether it's to write, paint or cook!
Liz P said,: Glad to have you back! I never think of your writing as subpar, but I understand where you're coming from, especially with this challenge. As with anything you do, if you're not enjoying it, than you're just wasting time and effort.

But don't get too down on yourself, ok? I look forward to your full return. :)
Summer Ross said,: I'm so glad you are back Jules! Sometimes we just need to step away for a few days- I know I will be when school gets out- I'm going to be MIA for a while- because being on a computer for 12 hrs a day is way to much. I'm going to commit computer blasphemy and slouch infront of the TV instead- LOL
Tammy said,: "I must be moved by what I write, if you enjoy it, we both win; but my words must touch MY heart first." I think this must be at the heart of every true writer! I took a hiatus too, so it was nice to come back to this. And your comment on my blog really touched me.
Debbie said,: You're such a great friend online! I'm glad to see you back.
Julie Flanders said,: Great to have you back, I really enjoy your blog. Take care and best wishes for the weekend. :)
Ella said,: Jules, glad you are back! So true, it won't be authentic if your heart is missing! I love that line,..."my words must touch My heart first"...I so agree! It is important to listen to our souls and take those time outs when needed. I am glad you listened...xXx
February Grace said,: You. Have. Been. MISSED! Welcome back (and you're never sub-anything, by the way, cause you're always you and that's very special.)

hugs
bru
Flying high in the sky.... said,: i understand your post word by word.. i know precisely what you mean.. that is the reason no posts have come from me for over a month.. loads happening inside but i am waiting for that moment when i jot them down forced by something divine inside me.. take care... i will wait for the next post.. love reading you :)
B's Mom said,: I understand.
floweringmama said,: Hey Jules, I'm sliding in with my head held down, I've been negligent again, but this time for reasons beyond my control.

Health issues with family members take precedence over all.

I'm glad you are back. And as Alex said, never did I interpret subpar in anything you do.
Arlee Bird said,: Subpar from you is like the best writing on a lot of other blogs. Heck some folks never reach your "subpar" level. I know a lot of times I just write to crank out something. I pretend like it's my job and I'm getting paid to do it. Now if only that would come true--not that I have to crank out crap, but I got paid to write. Dream on.

Hope you join us in the Blogging from A to Z Challenge Reflections Mega Post on Monday May 2nd.
Lee
Velvet Over Steel said,: Totally understand and agree!!

It was a relief and a Joy to see your visit last Friday and that you are Back!! Hopefully after your 'weekend' in the basement (I imagine with all the warnings and 'T".) you will not need more 'rest'. I know I sure would be Wiped out for a while for sure!! (Sress and drama exhaust me!) Take care of yourself, Jules nad Stay in a Safe place please!!!