Black Hole Found in U.S.

Astronomers yesterday confirmed the report of a black hole located directly within the United States. At a press conference held in the middle of the night, Dr. B. Kidding stated the presence of such an astrological abnormality did exist.

It was stated at this press conference that the scientists had known about the abnormality for some time now. In the early 1970’s the observatory had started to notice large volumes of American wealth being drawn closer to the edge of the black hole; in the early 1990’s the observatory implemented around the clock observation, thus leading to the late night press conference.

When asked why the observatory felt the need now to disclose such an event, Dr. Kidding responded with the following statement:

“It has come to our attention that the black hole we have been closely monitoring for the past 3 centuries has reached a point of maximum suck effect. It has reached a point where in its present location it will suck the country right down with it. Though at this point in time I am not at liberty to disclose the exact location, it is apparent to us that this black hole has taken aim on life as we know it.”

”We have witnessed a huge increase in its appetite for our wealth, it seems to grow larger and stronger with every dollar it sucks in and it shows no sign of slowing. It appears to have a hypnotic effect on those who get to close to the edge and transfers a feeling of “larger than life” to those who reach its outer rim. It is this reason we feel it to be a danger to American life as we know it and have made public our findings.”

He went on to state that those of prominence stature seem to be immune to the effects of this abnormality and with that Dr. Kidding was bombarded with a flurry of questions, of which two he responded. The black hole was somewhere over the northeast and the last object observed being sucked into its depths was a Senator from Kentucky that would not shut up and sit down.

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Disclaimer: In NO way are the people and events in this satire real or true. This a personal, fictional, humorous story meant to bring a smile and nothing else.