Parenthood and Baby Bibles

Ever planned a quite dinner out with your significant other only to arrive at the restaurant and be placed next to the children of the corn? You know those children whose parents have suddenly gone numb and assume the waitress is a free babysitter. Well, recently I had such an adventure and it got me to thinking about parenthood or the lack there of.

I started noticing a shift in parenting when the so-called baby bibles started to become best sellers. I would over hear conversations like “well, I’m reading this,” or “Doctor so and so says this is best.”  I was witnessing a new trend in parenting where people really believed that child rearing could be achieved through reading a book. Hum, wonder what book my mother had read? So, one day I asked her.

To this day I think I can still hear her laughing. Later on I would hear this same laughter roared at me but from a different point of view. While voicing my opinion on why I thought a child should be allowed to explore life for them, I got this same laughter. This time however, I was informed, “You don’t understand you do not have children,” as if to say you did not read the baby bible. This brought me to several revelations regarding modern day parenting.

Apparently, today when you give birth to a new life it does come with an instruction manual or so modern parents believe. You must read a child bible; the hospitals provide a list of recommended reading, and succumb to the idea your life is now owned and operated by your children. You must also agree to shower them with any new fad, craze or current gadget, clothing or cool thing that they wish for and that punishment only applies to you and that they are exempt from normal adult rules and regulations. Well, here is a little known fact; there is a recall on these so-called baby bibles.

The recall states that there are severe flaws in the manuals as printed. They left out what to do with “Little Johnnie” when he puts a bag of jellybeans up his nose. It does not address how to break a compulsive habit of putting everything into the toilet and flushing it. It does not offer a remedy for vocal outbursts that only occur in public places. The recall went on to say that the manual was meant to read, “Old standards still apply,” and not “only these standards apply.” You know the ones like; children should be seen and not heard, no means no, and if you want it, get a job. The recall also stated that the term, “timeout'” was meant to be applied to athletic activities only not as a fix for the above mention omissions. The last item noted, “You must be present for this manual to be effective.”

I do not think that balancing the budget will remedy the problem our children are facing; I think this is a much deeper, more personal issue. I do hope this helps those parents whom have solely relied upon baby bibles to rear their children. I will look forward to in the future of being able to plan a quite dinner out and not eating with the fear of choking because the child sitting behind me screamed the fork right up my nose.

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